Nissan Qashqai: The car world's doormat
Words by Dionysis Nanos
Arguably, anyone knows about the Nissan Qashqai. Even if you don’t want to know they’re everywhere...literally everywhere. You can’t go 100 metres without seeing at least three of the damn things in either black, white, grey or the occasional funky blue, and it just makes me gasp at the boredom of this dishwasher with wheels. See, there are a whole lot of problems with the Qashqai, and the looks are not even an important one.
First of all, in case you’ve lived under a rock and you have no idea what the Nissan Qashqai is (trust me that’s a rock worth living under), it was the first of the breed of cars that have become the de facto sight on our roads known as ‘crossovers’ or as school-run ego boosters.
The first-generation launched in 2007, with a subtle facelift coming in 2010, and was replaced with the second generation (pictured above) in 2013, which on its own got a facelift in 2017. This was also sold in the hell hole that is the USA, as the comically named Rogue Sport. Apparently, the marketing department of Nissan USA is either seeing “Sport” where I can’t, or they were afraid the American public wouldn’t be able to say the word ‘Qashqai’…
It’s not hard to see why people keep buying them. They’re not that big nor too small, they’re not ugly but not good looking either. They’re just things with wheels and relatively high ride height so the school-run mums and dads of this world can feel slightly better about themselves while waiting for the light to go green.
Despite this they are dull - I know there are dull cars out there like the Mitsubishi Mirage or the Toyota Corolla, but you’re forgetting one small detail. These boring cars are at least reliable, which brings me to the next problem.
Nissan's are not built properly. If you don’t know anything about cars and go by what you hear, mostly by your clueless neighbours or dare we say, your parents, you’ll think Nissan makes amazing cars. Remove that thought from your brain as quickly as possible.
Ever since Nissan got into bed with Renault in the late 1990s, the build quality has been going further down the drain by the year. Automatic transmission problems, trim pieces falling off (that bit of trim on the bootlid springs to mind) and engines burning more oil than a fire in the Middle East are just some of the issues the cars have.
Yet the word of mouth and ignorance means Nissan has somehow managed to keep that reputation which is a bigger lie than the kill count of Wild Bill Hickok (if you don’t know him Google him, trust me).
On the other hand Toyota, even though they had problems of their own, haven’t fallen so low as far as reliability is concerned.
The Qashqai - the official car of mediocrity, being built with parts and knowledge of a wonky French car maker, and bought by millions of unimaginative individuals that coast through life and work until they’re retired.
In short, the Qashqai is indeed a doormat. No matter if it’s a £1000 shed, or a brand new top spec model, you barely notice it when you walk inside your house, and even if you do, you glance at it and move on with whatever it is you do. Now what car was I talking about again?